2010. The year that everything changed internally for me.
I wasn't looking for it, had given it all up years before as nothing more than a temporary respite, a bunch of malarky that was invented by minds that needed an escape as much as mine did.
It had been so long that when it began in the Fall of '09, out of nowhere, bowling me over, taking me on a ride I went with it. It was great to be flying again suddenly after so many years of trudging it on the roads.
At first it was just a driving need to create, as though a creative juice had been unleashed with a force that not only demanded expression but required it. I painted, I built and never questioned why, just enjoyed the return of feelings that I'd not had in years. There was some writing during this time but mainly it was a drive to capture what wasn't any more, and with that drive, the sense that I did not have much time.
Politics and history consumed me next, spurred by what was being said by some who were suddenly in the 'spotlight' and I began to follow what I'd up to then ignored.
Then the mess in the Gulf brought on the next wave of expression and I followed it closely, until I 'understood'. And with the understanding and acceptance, a confirmation of what I'd sensed since the beginning of it, validated there on the underwater camera screens and not by the moving lips of the media which nearly dared viewers to question what was being said and what was being seen.
Many are telling us what this time is about, outlining in a variety of images and words what we should 'expect' from these changing times.
I will write here of what is happening with the consideration that since there are 6 billion of us there are perhaps at least 6 billion different interpretations and perceptions to be had. I write here of 1 of those infinite number of interpretations, the one I am witnessing and have been since the Fall of 2009.
When I first entered the 'spiritual' age of the 80's I was unable at the time to put into words the quick flashes of insight, the sense of being aware of something 'outside' myself, and like many others I would say, 'it's too abstract to put into words'. During the years following this life changing time in my late 20's I became more consciously aware of some of what I was doing and began to pay better attention and to do some exploring.
In the '90's I discovered my mind, discovered that some really interesting thoughts and observations passed through it or entered it or were unleashed inside of it. Always a lover of the written word I explored the vast barnyard of words and sentences that I was piecing together at the time in attempted stories. And I also understood why I'd always gravitated toward menial labor jobs during much of my life. Not because I was incapable of doing something that required thought but that I liked having my thoughts free to explore while I went about sweeping, mopping, and making coffee.
Then there were several years of pushing aspects of myself in ways that I'd not done before. And though this time was torturous in many ways I was gaining a confidence in myself that I'd lacked before and one that I did not know I had until after the fact of recognizing that I had it. And this confidence would work in accordance with my spiritual senses that were getting ready to wake up after a long slumber. And they would wake with a clarity I'd not had before but would quickly realize that I'd been developing all along so that when today arrived I could put it into words.
The elusive abstract.
